Sunday, June 19, 2011

My own personal drama...

I posted earlier about my plans for Sam's kindergarten, but after making the choice, I wasn't too sure about it. Joel has gotten the pleasure of listening to me go back and forth and back and forth on this for a few weeks now (and to his credit has never told me that he doesn't actually care, which is probably the case) and although there is still a little inner conflict I think I finally came to a decision. I know this is going to come off as kind of crazy since it really isn't a big deal (it's kindergarten we're talking about), but it's the little things that make up most of life. So anyways, I was all set on my homeschooling Sam, but then I decided that if it can happen I would love a spring baby, so suddenly I was faced with being pregnant and homeschooling (supposing it happens). This is the part where all my inner drama comes into play. I've been a little worried about what the school year would look like for Sam with me being pregnant, and suddenly the option of him being able to get out every day is not looking so bad. On the other hand, I actually feel kind of guilty/lazy about letting him go. It's totally a double standard, because I don't think anything of any other child going off to school, but because we have all these women in the family that have managed to homeschool 6 kids, I feel like I'm just trying to get out of taking care of my own kid.

I told you it was nuts. Sigh.

Like I said, I don't think of any of the mom's who don't homeschool as being lazy or bad at parenting, but I've felt that way about myself. :P Joel keeps telling me that I have to stop worrying about what other people will think (or probably more accurately- what I think they'll think) and do what's best for our family. I've never planned on homeschooling the kids till graduation, so it's never been something I'm all that gung ho about. Anyways, after a lot of debate, I've decided to enroll Sam into public school this year. The only thing I'm nervous about (besides the normal mom stuff) is Sam being around kids all day who don't have the same moral upbringing as we're trying to raise him in. Still, I've come to realize that we just have to keep teaching him godly principles while he's at home, and he'll be fine. After all, I was public schooled, and I didn't turn out all that bad. ;) (and lets face it, Christian schools have most of the drama as regular schools). Oh, not that it's the deciding factor, but Sam actually really wants to go to school, so that helps a little.

Blah. I hate the feeling of not knowing what to do.

4 comments:

  1. Don't feel bad about not homeschooling! If you really wanted to, you can always homeschool after the baby is born and things settle down. But I'm sure Sam will enjoy making friends and getting a break from his sister ;) I didn't have any moral clashes with anyone until i got to the 5th grade. I've gone through both public and christian and back to public and I kinda preferred public to christian because in a christian school you have a tendency to just grow numb instead of really standing for what you believe (and yes, you're definitely right. there is the same stuff going on at christian school. there were girls in 7th grade talking about what flavors of condoms they didn't like, kids cursing, fighting etc etc.)

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  2. Yeah, I kinda figured that kindergarten will be fine...it's not like I want him in a bubble or anything, I think it's just those horror stories you hear. I know I shouldn't feel bad, but it all goes back to me comparing myself to those other people, and I figure if they can do it pregnant with five kids, I should be able to do two. I am actually really looking forward to some time with just me and Annaleigh though!!!

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  3. Oh, and you know what's funny? I was homeschooled for a while and never really liked it. :P

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  4. Honestly, I think it might be easier with more kids than 2 because at least they have playmates to keep them busy. when you have 2 kids they both expect a lottt of attention from you (at least mine do). & You can always pull him out and home school him if you don't like the way it's going. No one will judge you, you are a great mom! Tons of great moms don't home school :)

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