I posted earlier about my plans for Sam's kindergarten, but after making the choice, I wasn't too sure about it. Joel has gotten the pleasure of listening to me go back and forth and back and forth on this for a few weeks now (and to his credit has never told me that he doesn't actually care, which is probably the case) and although there is still a little inner conflict I think I finally came to a decision. I know this is going to come off as kind of crazy since it really isn't a big deal (it's kindergarten we're talking about), but it's the little things that make up most of life. So anyways, I was all set on my homeschooling Sam, but then I decided that if it can happen I would love a spring baby, so suddenly I was faced with being pregnant and homeschooling (supposing it happens). This is the part where all my inner drama comes into play. I've been a little worried about what the school year would look like for Sam with me being pregnant, and suddenly the option of him being able to get out every day is not looking so bad. On the other hand, I actually feel kind of guilty/lazy about letting him go. It's totally a double standard, because I don't think anything of any other child going off to school, but because we have all these women in the family that have managed to homeschool 6 kids, I feel like I'm just trying to get out of taking care of my own kid.
I told you it was nuts. Sigh.
Like I said, I don't think of any of the mom's who don't homeschool as being lazy or bad at parenting, but I've felt that way about myself. :P Joel keeps telling me that I have to stop worrying about what other people will think (or probably more accurately- what I think they'll think) and do what's best for our family. I've never planned on homeschooling the kids till graduation, so it's never been something I'm all that gung ho about. Anyways, after a lot of debate, I've decided to enroll Sam into public school this year. The only thing I'm nervous about (besides the normal mom stuff) is Sam being around kids all day who don't have the same moral upbringing as we're trying to raise him in. Still, I've come to realize that we just have to keep teaching him godly principles while he's at home, and he'll be fine. After all, I was public schooled, and I didn't turn out all that bad. ;) (and lets face it, Christian schools have most of the drama as regular schools). Oh, not that it's the deciding factor, but Sam actually really wants to go to school, so that helps a little.
Blah. I hate the feeling of not knowing what to do.