Monday, February 9, 2015

Foster

So kind of big news...this ended up really long though, so I'm splitting it into a two posts...

This story starts five and a half years ago when Annaleigh was a few days old. I was in the kitchen with her telling her how beautiful, amazing, and so very loved she was, and in that moment my heart broke for all the babies and children from broken homes. The ones who don't know that they are beautiful, and amazing, and so very, very worthy of love. I pondered on that thought for a few months, and felt strongly that our family should be part of the solution. I contacted a foster agency, received an application, and proceeded to do tons of research. Maybe I did too much, because eventually I got to all the horror stories of things that can go wrong in foster care, and I panicked, threw away the application, and walked away from the idea. I thought, There is no way I am going to put my kids in a situation that could cause them distress. And on a different side...how could I possibly take care of a child for months (years?) only to give them back? My heart isn't strong enough.

Despite my fear and lack of faith, the longing to help a little one in need has never left me. In fact, it's only grown stronger. About two years ago, I decided to start looking into international adoption. I decided we were going to adopt a little boy from Asia (did you know simply being a boy is considered "special needs"?? Crazy, cause little boys are awesome...) I decided that because American adoption scared me once upon a time, that this is what we were supposed to do.

Then I talked to my husband, and while he was open to the idea, he didn't feel the conviction I felt. In that moment, I knew I had a choice. I could nag & push my wants, or I could take it to God. I knew, without a doubt, this had to be something that both of us deeply wanted and knew we were supposed to be doing. I knew that when things got tough, I needed to know that we were in it together....that we weren't in the situation we were in because I made my husband feel guilty, pressured, whatever. And so I prayed. Honestly, I have prayed on this more than anything I've ever prayed for. And I felt peace. And "not now."

So, fast forward to October 2014...I signed up to host a table for a women's church event. Honestly, I was super annoyed when I found out I had to lead a discussion. I thought I was just signing up to decorate! I pouted and threw a little fit in my mind, but I had committed already, so I begrudgingly hosted a table. The subject was "Love is greater than fear." One of the group discussion questions was: "When was a time you walked away from God's calling because of fear."  Yep. Five years ago! I don't know if I would have put a lot of thought into that question if it hadn't been for the fact that I was the hostess! But all that evening I couldn't stop thinking about how much I regretted choosing fear rather than faith.

 The next day, I looked up Nebraska's waiting child list, and there was a sibling set of three that spoke to me heart. In a big way.  I decided to bring them up to my husband, all casual, fully thinking I was going to hear "are you crazy!?" ...

1 comment:

  1. so proud of you for stepping out in faith! i can't wait to see what god has in store for you all :)

    ReplyDelete

 
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